Flashback Friday {the early years}

Good morning! I asked for what you would like to see more on the blog, and pretty much everyone said the same thing: you want to know more about me. Someone else mentioned they wanted to know more about my childhood as well, so today I bring Jen- the early years.

28597_391236107410_507362410_4470206_4893938_n

It was the 80’s. We lived in California, so I guess my Mom thought we were sailors. Fantastic.

28597_391236112410_507362410_4470207_4207032_n

This is how we rolled, winter in Southern California. Don’t be jealous Winking smile

28597_391236142410_507362410_4470210_1890344_n

I really have no words. It’s a head shaker…

28597_391236077410_507362410_4470203_6597767_n

Raise your hand if you loved NKOTB!! I was mildly obsessed.

28597_391236202410_507362410_4470218_7945932_n

And a total daddy’s girl – who wore way too much lipstick-

I need to find some from when I was a baby…this was fun!!!!

Anything fun planned for the weekend? We are taking Karlie out for dinner tomorrow to her fave restaurant. She’s such a girly girl, so I’m getting her new nailpolish, lip gloss and any other sparkle I can find for her.

Advertisements

Flashback Friday

I mentioned a few posts ago that in 2007 I lost a bunch of weight using Weight Watchers and faithfully running every morning at the gym and using various free weights and the machine weights. In June 2007 when I was just 19lbs from my goal weight, I went bathing suit shopping, I didn’t realize how much my body had changed until I tried some on. I remember coming home and taking these pictures and then just sitting down and crying. All of my hard work, sweat and tears had finally payed off. This bathing suit was a size 8 and I never thought that would happen!

Not the best quality pictures, but you get the idea.

Looking at these today reminded me that I am capable of anything I put my mind to and I can get to this point again!!!

Flashback Friday {18 Months}

189749_10150100682037411_507362410_6691259_5067819_n

My apologies, but this one is about my Dad again this week. Yesterday was October 13th. An ordinary day for most, but for our family it was exactly 18 months since our Dad, Husband, Hero, Supporter, Friend and Papa died in a car accident. I wanted to share something I wrote just days following the funeral. I’ll warn you now that this is a re-cap of what happened on that day.

**********************************************

I talked to my Dad at 9am that day because we were supposed to meet at 11:30 at the library for Papa Day. I got to the library a few minutes late and tried to call him, of course he didn’t answer. I then started to hear gentle promptings: “He’s not coming, go to the house.” these promptings kept getting louder and louder until I finally left to go to my parent’s house. I thought for sure he had left his phone in the car and he was just sleeping on the couch. When I opened the garage and his car  wasn’t in there, my heart sank. He would never be late or forget papa day…without a phone call as to why he was late and he wouldn’t answer his phone. My Mom was in Wisconsin on a business trip, so my younger brother and I spent the next couple of hours calling and driving to every possible place he could be. My brother is a fireman, so at a last ditch effort he called a detective to see what he could do. The detective knew there had been a fatal crash that morning so he called that police station, they confirmed it was him and already had 2 sheriff’s on the way to the house. The detective stopped them from coming, grabbed two of bobby’s friends from the station and came to tell us.
Once I heard the door bell and saw them on the front porch, I started crying, It was like a bad movie. The next words will be in my mind forever. “Bobby, Jen, we did find your dad. I am so very sorry to be here to tell you that he was killed in a very devastating car accident this morning.” Everything after is a blur, I sat on the couch sobbing while my brother had to call my Mom to tell her; I can still hear her screaming.
Apparently a truck lost control and tried to slam on his breaks, the back end started to jack knife and he swerved, unfortunately he lost total control and went straight into on coming traffic, straight into my Dad’s car. The only solace and blessing is my Dad NEVER saw this coming, his foot never hit the break, his hands weren’t gripping the steering wheel and when they did the autopsy his lungs were empty; so he never had a chance to even react. There was a police officer who raced to the scene seconds after my dad’s car stopped spinning and my Dad was already gone.
I would like to share what I spoke about at his funeral this past Saturday:

My Dad and I would always say that just because we are home all day doesn’t mean we aren’t busy, we are very busy but he would do anything for his family. Every morning he would drive to McDonald’s to get my Mom her diet coke, and then again in the afternoon if she wanted him too. He loved doing things for people, no matter how small.

For him, one of his favorite days of the week was Tuesday, because that was Papa Day. This all started about a year and a half ago, I was a new stay at home mom, just trying to keep kids entertained and doing something to get out of the house every day. When it started, we would meet at Leo’s for lunch and then we would go home. During the summer it went to meeting at the house for lunch and then he would sit in the pool with the kids in the afternoon. In September, it went to meeting at the library, then lunch at the house and then while Aiden was napping, him and Karlie would snuggle on the couch and watch anything she wanted. He recorded all of her favorite shows through the week so they could watch them together on Papa Day, they both loved it! A couple of weeks ago, Papa Day evolved even more and Karlie started spending the night.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that we started planning things we would do this summer for Papa Day, it will be hard, but I will keep our plans and do everything we talked about.

Spencer called my Dad and I the family planners, we were always arranging dinners or plans for something. We always looked forward to Friday night dinner going out somewhere and then Sundays have been family dinner for as long as I can remember. I can’t even remember the last time I cooked dinner on a Friday night. Looking back on the past week, I know we were all being prepared for this. We had more days spent with him than I can remember. The kids and I were over there almost every day, all day during spring break. His birthday was Saturday and then Sunday we had everyone at the house almost all day, that never happens. It was a perfect day and one I know we’ll all treasure the memories of that day in the weeks, months and years to come.

In my head I know that he is ok and far happier now than he was trapped in his pain ridden earthly body, now I just have to convince my heart of the same thing. For those who don’t know, he was involved in a car accident in September 2006 that left him retired far too early in his mind. He had spent the past 3 years living in pain all day, every day. His doctors told him about a month ago, that without more surgery there was nothing else they could do for his pain. They could not, but Heavenly Father could.  It is now my duty to get back to him, he is paving the way for us and I won’t disappoint him. This week has been a giant test of faith, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that the things I have been taught my entire life are true, and now comes the hard part of living my life and moving forward every day. Someone told me this week that it will get easier, but this will never be easy.

We love you and miss you Dad and even though this is hard on us, we will be ok and will continue to make you proud.

*************************************************

189547_10150100681372411_507362410_6691253_512283_n

DSC_0771

18 months later. I still find it surreal that his spot in the garage is empty and a cemetery plot is full. I still find it surreal that I haven’t heard his voice. I still find it surreal I don’t have text messages from him in the middle of the day just because. But most of all, I still find it surreal that he is just gone.

Flashback Friday

Last week Tyler had to do a timeline of either himself or someone in his family. He chose to do a timeline about my Dad. He was supposed to have pictures of him with my Dad and some from when he was younger. I don’t have a scanner, so I asked my sister to email me some of her favorites from when Dad was in his prime. Try and guess which one is my favorite…

download

Dad5

Dad4

Dad2

Dad3

If you guessed this one as my favorite, you know me well. I would give anything to call him right now and just start laughing uncontrollably!!! I miss you Dad!!! I’ll leave you with one of my favorites of my Dad and Tyler. This was taken at my little brother’s wedding in August 2009, and my Dad died in April 2010.

34768_410407732410_507362410_4969143_3037606_n

I wonder when it will stop hurting to look at pictures? I miss him so much. Some days I wish I would have had the chance to say good bye, wish we could have been prepared in some way, but then I don’t know if that would have been any easier. Hard to imagine it’s been 18 months this week since I last his heard his voice, 18 months since I read a text from him, 18 months since he played with my kids. I still can’t bring myself to ever drive down the road he died on. I don’t know if I could handle seeing the area, knowing what happened and actually being there. It’s hard enough just driving by the funeral home and cemetery every day.

I really didn’t mean for this to be such a heavy post!!! I miss you Dad!!! xoxo