Overcoming My (mental) Obstacles

Is it just me, or is it really, really hard to get back into the swing of things after a lovely, much-too-short (well, not really), vacation? I was in Michigan for 13 days. I think it’s my longest visit EVER. It was not near enough time. There were things that I still did not get to do. Like go to the “wood ship” park. Or take new pictures for this blog of Jen and I together. But there were many, many, things that I did get to do. We had the best time, and I’m really missing my partner in all things ridiculous. I think mine and Jen’s husbands were kind of jealous of our relationship. We seriously have the best time together, and when we are together it’s pretty easy to just forget about everyone else. Here is an example of one of the more ridiculous episodes. We were at the grocery store on Memorial Day. My step mom had gone to look for some skewers. Jen and I were getting something else, and at the end of the aisle, was a humongous display of tall cans (beers) and these frozen pouches that are like ready-made margaritas. Neither one of us drink, but we love to joke like we do. I started putting some in the cart. Then, my step mom came up to us and asked if “8 inches was big enough”! I can’t remember who, but one of us said “that’s what she said”, and we were dying. Then, out of nowhere, Jen’s father in law, who was also (unbeknown to us) at the store, came around the corner and said “it’s not really that funny!” We were laughing so hard, and laughed the whole way home too. I keep telling my husband that we are moving to Michigan. He’s not going for it. He says that Jen and I can not be together because he says “we are jackasses when we are around each other”. Haha!

We got back last week, and being gone for that long made for a lot of housework and grocery shopping to do when I returned. I ran once or twice last week, short runs, and I’m back into the groove this week. Food was meh last week and during vacation. I think I drank the equivalent of a keg of diet Coke in Michigan. I’ve only had water since Monday and I’m feeling GOOD!

I think my biggest struggle lately is the mental battle that I fight with myself on a daily basis. I so want to be thinner, and healthier. I want to run a sub-10 minute mile. I know that these goals are not going to happen without any effort on my part. But every time I run, I just rip myself apart mentally because I’m not as fast as such-and-such blogger, or that person who is half my size on the treadmill next to me, or that person who passes me on the trail. I try to tell myself that I will get there one day, but I want to be there TODAY. This is what I think about when I am logging my miles. I have ran twice on the treadmill this week because I am trying to work on my MENTAL endurance. I know that physically, after running for 2.5 years, I can definitely run at least a 5k, and probably even further, without walking or even stopping. But I don’t, and I don’t know why. It’s easier for me to just zone out and listen to my music and watch the miles tick by while I am on a treadmill, so I have been working on keeping a slower, more consistent running pace and running more this week, and probably for the next 4 or 5 weeks I will continue to do this. This is mental obstacle #1.

Mental obstacle #2 is my diet. I went with my son to see his psychiatrist before we went to Michigan. Somehow, she started talking to me about my weight. I told her I felt unsettled if my stomach wasn’t stuffed. She recommended trying Vyvanse. I had some, my son doesn’t take that anymore, so I took it the next day. Wow. I will never, ever do that again. I thought I was going to come out of my skin! My resting pulse was 100, I’m sure my blood pressure was off the charts, I could not eat ANYTHING, all I could do was drink tons of water, and I was so productive. I could not sit still! I felt like I had 10 starbucks venti mochas! And I was having heart palpitations. I took it for 2 days and stopped. I pretty much gave myself a free pass while we were in Michigan. I tried to make healthier choices, but I’m a sucker for chunk cheese salads, and s’mores with cookie butter! You know, that famous cookie butter from Trader Joes? It’s even better on a s’more! This week, I’ve been really trying hard to track my calories and just be more aware of my food choices. I went to Subway on Monday, I was starving, and I only got a 6 inch sub instead of my usual foot long. I was satisfied, for sure. Yesterday a rep brought our office lunch, and the doctor I worked for took the salad, so I just ate 1/2 sandwich (and chips). We haven’t gone out to dinner all week, and I’ve got my menu plan all ready for next week. Sometimes, it feels so overwhelming but I’m trying to re-program myself so that these choices become second nature for me. Baby steps, I tell ya.

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