So, I’ve been sucking at the weight loss thing again. I have been stuck at the same weight since January. Every Friday which is my weigh in day, I vow to do better next week, and I do great Fri-Sunday or maybe even Monday but then I fall off the wagon big time. I just can not control my eating.
This week has been no exception. I did great until Tuesday. Yes, Tuesday! But then all hell broke loose. It all started with lunch. I love me some Subway. So I went and they are not having the $5 footlong anymore but I still got a footlong. And chips. Jeez. Then Jacob came home from school. He has been with his dad this week, his dad “forgot” to give Jacob his meds for ADHD that morning, and so getting him to do a worksheet of math homework with like 10 problems on it that a first grader could do took 2 hours. And it still wasn’t done. Add to that little mess the fact that I had a major test on Wednesday morning that I was already stressed out about and it made for a disaster beyond explanation. Bad went to worse in a hurry.
There was a lot of food carnage. A few Pringles. Some chocolate. And a Chipotle burrito. Yeah. Great, huh? A Chipotle burrito and a footlong in the same day? Jesus.
There was a verbal sparring match with Jacob’s dad who is a total douche lord. Did I work out that day? I think not, I can’t even remember. I was so riled up on Tuesday night that I couldn’t even concentrate on my studies.
Wednesday morning I got up at around 430am to study for my test. I ended up getting a decent grade but the damage was done. After class, I was on my way to the gym. Drove by Mission Hospital and for some reason had a random memory come up from the summer when Jacob was in the ER for some bike related injury. Anyways, it led me to a dark place, thinking about *that* time, with the baby, one of the most horrible times in my life and the memories came flooding back like they happened yesterday. The tears came and it wasn’t good. By then the last thing I wanted to do was go to the gym. But I went and it WAS good.
Exercise is definitely not the problem for me. I am an emotional eater and I can’t deny that. How do I fix it? I have no idea.
So now I’m all bummed out because I’ve blown my weigh in for this week. Am I sabotaging myself? What gives? Why do I keep doing this to myself?